In hopes that St. Þvörusleikir soon will be there

It's Christmas-time in the Rappinger house and while Katie has been decking the halls and hanging her stockings by the chimney with care, Geoff is thinking of spicing things up a little bit.

I recently met a woman from Sweden who regaled me with the traditional Christmas celebrations of her home, and it got him thinking: Whose to say that our Christmas traditions are the right ones?

Whose to say that somewhere in the world the idea of a large bearded man keeping constant tabs on young children and sneaks into their homes in the middle of the night to leave them tokens of his affection isn't considered ODD?

So next year, I think, we should celebrate an Icelandic Christmas.

See in Iceland there’s no such thing as Santa. Instead there are 13 troll-like creatures called “The Yule Lads" (seriously, I’m not making this up)

The Yule Lads are small creatures that attack the homes of all 350,000 Icelandians by stealing bowls of porridge and sausage and pretty much everything else.

See the Lads invade on Dec. 12 one at a time until Christmas day and (in ancient times) were said to STEAL CHILDREN WHO WERE TOO POOR TO AFFORD NEW CLOTHES.

Back in the day, I guess, new clothes were a reward for being a good child.

Nowadays, though, with Santa spreading the Christmas cheer across the globe the Lads have had to take a more child-friendly (read: non-kidnapping) approach to the holidays.

These days the Yule lads still steal sheep and whatever, but they also leave gifts in shoes left on the windowsill. If the kid finds himself on the Icelandic “naughty” list they might get a raw potato instead of a lump of coal.

The Lads are mostly single minded. Almost all of them have a never ending hunger for table scraps that they grab in various ways.

There is.... 

Stekkjastaur, the Sheep Cote Clod has two peg legs and 
steals sheep to drink their milk... (Again, I swear 
I am not making any of this up)

The second is Giljagaur, The Gully Gawk. 
He sneaks into the barn and drinks the froth 
off the pails of milk (That. Is. Gross.)

 And then there's Shorty, a.k.a. Stúfur. This is the 

smallest of them all, and he scraps the scraps of 

food off pans in the kitchen.

Þvörusleikir, the Spoon-licker steals the used wooden spoons 
from the kitchen and licks all 
the food off of them.

Likewise Pottasleikir the Pot-licker goes for the dirty 

pots and pans and licks the scraps off of them. 

Askasleikir, the Bowl-licker takes a different approach. He hides under 
people's beds and waits for you to finish with your midnight snack, 
then he grabs the bowl from off the floor and licks it clean. (I'm starting 
to sense a pattern here...)

Apparently not content with stealing table scraps, 
Hurðaskellir (the door slammer) 
spends his days slamming doors and 
keeping people awake all night.

Skyr is a popular milk curd/yogarty food that Icelandics seem to enjoy, 

and Skyr-Gobbler (Skyrgámur) sneaks into the pantries and cupboards 

of families and raids the skyr stash for a midnight snack.

As you might guess from the drawing, Bjúgnakrækir, the sausage 

swiper loves him some meat and steals as much of it as he can get.

By far one of the creepiest of the Lads, The Window Peeper  
Gluggagægir is pretty self explanatory, he creepily sits 
outside your window and watches everything you do, looking 
for things to steal for himself.

Then there's my favorite. Known as Gáttaþefur The

Door Sniffer this big schnauzed individual can smell 

cake from a mile away and will snatch one or two

for himself.

Then there's Ketkrókur Meat Hook comes to take his own prize. 
Like the Sausage Swiper Meat Hook loves meat and uses a gnarly 
hook to grab meat from the roof.

And then there's the last of the Lads. By far the most pathetic of 

them the Candle Beggar Kertasníkir isn't mean like the Door 

Slammer or hungry like most of the others, he just wants a 

candle to see. Is that so wrong?

Now, before you start naysaying with cries that these are LAME Christmas elves to be worshipping, I should mention that since the 13 Lads arrive one at a time each day before Christmas, Icelandic children traditionally receive 13 presents on Christmas, one from each Lad.

So whose with me? It’s a bit late now, but what say we get together Christmas 2011 and line the shoes on the windowsill for some goodies from Þvörusleikir, Skyrgámur and Ketkrókur?

Sounds like a plan to me!

So, from all of us here at Life as a Rappinger, Merry Jól, everyone and have a happy New Nýársdagur!